Tragedy & Sadness
**If your already having Monday blahs, this is probably not the blog for you today. I hate being a downer, but I just had to get this out of my system. It's terribly sad: contains young death. Read on only if you have to constitution for it.**
My best friend of almost 20 years is a high school teacher in our small town. Friday night a bright beautiful 16 year old student at her school committed suicide.
She had been receiving threatening/bullying texts for over a week from at least two other students. The school had been notified, but took
no action, understandably, since the texts were not sent during school hours. Nothing has been mentioned about her being harrassed in school, but the police are investigating.
This is so sad on so many levels. My heart breaks for her parents; I can't imagine being there. That age will be here for my munchkins before I know it, and it terrifies me. It's so damn hard to be a teenager. They should be the best year's of one's life, but it seems it gets harder with each generation.
I have my ideas and assumptions on what yields this bad behavior. I'll just say it begins at home, and I'll leave it at that. I know in my heart my children have been, and will continue to be, taught to respect themselves, peers, elders and authority.
As angry as I am with the bullies, I also have to feel a little sorry for them. One day they will grow up and realize the full scope of their actions. They will know that they are happily married with two kids, yet one of their former peers will never get the same chance.
I'm angry at the schoolboard (I would guess this is a state issue, not federal?) because one of the kids shouldn't even have been in the school, imo. This person is a 20 year old junior! In FL (or maybe, in my day?) there was a cutoff age, and it was 19. Once you hit that age you were done with school no matter what. And it makes sense. Twenty years olds have no business in a school setting with 13-14-15 year olds.
I'm angry mostly at the government and the fact that they have taken away all ability for the teachers/school administrators to hand down discipline in any form. My BF sits there and watches the kids in her class text away as they ignore her, yet she can do nothing but ask [nicely] that they put away their phones - she's not allowed to take them away. IMO, each class should have a drop box for the phones where the kids place them upon entering.
Even more aggravating to me is the fact that BF says half the time it's the parents texting the kids. You know for important stuff - like asking them to pick up bread on their way home.
Well, now I've gone from sad to pissed off and sad.
The loss of this young life is unfair and unjust.
Hats off to all you teachers out there. I couldn't do it. Unless of course they offer a class on respect. I'd be more than happy to share a
Comments
Kids can be so mean and a 20 year old--what the heck is gong on?
Thanks for the post.
This is such a sad situation. My prayers go out to the family of that young woman, and to all whose lives she touched.
And it's true. Teachers have been stripped of any meaningful authority, but are usually held completely responsible for things that go wrong.
I don't think people understand what a violent place high school is. Or how many students do self-destructive things there. Drugs, sex, violence.
I've been through multiple suicides. One kid succeeded after three failed attempts. I've had kids taken out on gurneys from my room for ODs. A bad year is a year I can't remember all the names of the kid's that have died.
But the bullying thing is different. That starts at home. And it's not just at school kids get bullied. They get bullied on My Space, online, they have pictures of themselves posted with lies about them by others.
Teachers cannot prevent bullying. Or texting or cell phones in class without some kind of admin or parental support. I'm a teacher. I'm a parent. And I have done and do both jobs.
Most parents today do text their kids in school. Even though they know school rules prohibit cell phones during the day. Sometimes that's the only contact they have with them.
We can't take them away. And any kind of consequence that is inflicted is minimal and meaningless.
Yes, I admit I'm bitter. And that's my rant for the day.
If parents don't start doing their jobs - AND backing the teachers - things will only continue to downslide. It all makes me so angry.
My sons teacher asked me to pick up Happy Meals (she paid) for 6 kids (my son included) last Friday. You know why? Those 6 kids are the only ones that did all their homework for the quarter.The others managed it about half the time. WHAT?? I was floored. What the hell are tese parents teaching their kids - freaking entitlement.
Aack, sorry Sarahjayne, lol.
Tina - We have touched on bullying here, but will go more indepth as they get older. I wonder if this girl just felt she couldn't talk to her parents openly? I work very hard to make sure my kids know they can do that.
Chrisitine - I think the 20 yr old being there angers me most.
Slamdunk - That is something I didn't touch on that I meant to: parents expecting teachers to do their job. Urgh.
Anne - Are you Forsyth? I'm surprised you didn't see this on the news, it was all over this weekend. So sad :(
Propinquity - I have a good friend who homeschools. The more I see this stuff, the more I think about it.
Stina - The school's hands are tied. And, it was after hours. IMO, this falls all on the parents of the bullies. Well, the school board for letting a 20 yr old be there, as well. And a 20 yr old ADULT who should know better.
Sorry, everyone, as you can tell this has really pissed me off.
Hopefully, the offenders will learn from their mistakes.
I agree that teachers should have more ability to discipline children. And no twenty year olds should be in school with teenagers. They should be taking classes at some night school if they want their high school diploma.
Jai
Saumya - A mandatory respect class sounds like a great plan.
Hannah - I'm so sorry you had to deal with bullying. Just shows how strong you are (and it is hard to be strong as a teen!) that you shone through and came out a better person on the other side. Good for you!
Jai - Night school is where 19 and up had to go back when I was in school.
Julie - The fact that so many things could have been done differently is what makes this all the more tragic.
Teachers rock!
What a tragic end to a young life.
I'm so sorry to hear about this. This just makes my heart so heavy with sorrow. We had someone take his life, too. He was still in high school. I wrote a post about David and how it has made me feel.
I would encourage you to read this and hopefully you'll find some peace.
Take care.
I'll pray for you and friends and family...
I wish I had the solution, but I don't think the answer is just one thing, though I agree it begins at home. BUT, sometimes 'home' is not a good place. Then what? A lot does end up falling to the schools, and school counselors do need to be involved. I really wish I had answers, but I think the answers are not simple.
Which is the worst part of the tragedy. This problem has no end in sight. It is heartbreaking.
And worse, when the emotionally damaged go on shooting sprees at schools.
The signs are almost always there, but they get lost in the shuffle. Again, heartbreaking.
I'm so sorry for your BFF, and the parents...and also to SJS.
My daughter's a weird but sweet kid. She doesn't deserve to be smashed into a locker or have her hair pulled or have this girl spread viscious rumors about her. Parents need to make a stand as soon as they hear about it. Yes, we many of us have our own stories of bullies in school, but nowadays bullies carry guns, drugs, knifes, and have so many legal loopholes and impotent school administrators fueling the fire. We can't sit around and reminisce about our own childhoods. The world has changed.
Sorry, I ranted. This is the sort of crap that really gets me riled up, though.