Me. Myself. and I.

Every pov has its pitfalls. When I started writing, I was clueless on lot of things. In fact, even though I knew pov existed, it was never a conscious decision on my part to write in first. It's just how it spilled out.

I found out about the First Person Pitfall in the very first exercise I posted in the Compuserve forum. The X wasn't about pov; it was about underpainting, actually. But, someone was kind enough to point out the error of my ways, in any case.

A sample of what I posted:

I squinted my eyes to the overhead gulls that circled in hopes of making a morning meal out of one of the crustaceans. I caught the sunlight reflecting off two large windows above the balcony of the main house; they looked much like angry glowing eyes of a lioness. Maids bustled poolside. They carried trays from the house and set them onto a large table. I spotted Katherine in the middle, arms waving gracefully as she gave orders. She took a place at the head of the glass table, looked our direction and waited. I bit the inside of my cheek.

The highlighted was what the critter pulled out. She pointed out to me that, while the sentences were "fine", using all those I's made it read "choppy". Hmm. I hadn't noticed. Then I went and read an entire chapter, specifically looking for that form. And wow. It was closer to tidal waves than choppiness. I could barely get through it once I noticed all of them. Yikes.

Of course, at that point I still didn't have all the tools to fix it properly, but that single moment defined the first major revision of my book. All that's left of that paragraph:

We walked in silence, the main house looming ahead. The sun reflected off two large windows above the balcony, like the angry glowing eyes of a lioness. Maids bustled poolside, carrying things from the house and setting them onto a table.

Out of context it's not the greatest, but it ain't choppy no more. I can't tell you how many paragraphs were made that much better with that one small (sooo gently put) suggestion. Sometimes it takes a gentle nudge, and a good example (and a bright light bulb tap dancing on my head) to have something click.(Other times it takes a brick to drop on my head, but we'll talk about those another day.)

I don't think I've ever told her any of this. But, I am forever grateful to Susan for her gentle nudge that day - and all the nudges she's given in the years since. Which, aren't always quite as, er, tentative now that I'm just one of the gang ;)

Also, after a lively, and amusing, thread discussion on those lovely repeat phrases writers seem to get stuck on, Susan made a funny spoof chain letter. I'd meant to post it a while back, but never got around to it. So, for your amusement I give you:

Dear Author,

Are you stuck using the same few descriptions for your characters? Fret no longer! This chain letter is guaranteed to net you thousands of new descriptions in just a few short days. How does it work?

Easy! First, make a list of the five most commonly used phrases in your wip. For example:

"She looked up at him."
"He grinned madly."
"Her eyes met his."
"He stared."
"He shrugged."

Then send a copy of this letter to the first name listed below (a writer who is equally discontented with her descriptive phrases). Add your name to the bottom of the list and send out the letter to five writer friends who will then do the same. You will receive 15,625 letters with 78,125 new descriptive phrases in a matter of days. Do not break the chain! If you do, your novel will never reach the NYT bestseller list.

Yours truly,